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By: Toni Momberger for Community Forward Redlands News
The Parker Mesa Overlook Trail was our third hike, and it was an important learning experience.
When we started hiking, I had just taken the list of trails with great ocean views and plugged them into our calendar. I did not know things about shade, water, distance, elevation gain, eating or the limits of my eligible-to-order-off-the-back-page-of-the-menu body.
All we did to prepare for this hike was sleep in, eat breakfast and hop in the car. From Redlands it’s a 2-hour drive to the trailhead.
We got out of the car needing to pee and found no offerings to accommodate this. Doug stepped into some vegetation with his man privilege, and I read the signs at the trailhead while I waited, thinking there might be a good place to squat when the trees got going a few yards into the trail.
But one of the signs was terrifying.
It said, "Don't let any part of you or your clothes touch any part of a plant because ticks are waiting on the plants to jump on to you and also they have fangs." I paraphrase.
Then it had a giant-ass picture of a tick, maybe three inches across, and next to it, it said "Actual size." Those were the exact words.
So Doug comes back from relieving his bladder and I point to this.
He says ticks don't come in that size and gets in close to see what's going on with this sign that, whatever it really says, reads, "Congratulations on driving two hours to spend an unpleasant afternoon hiking with a hysterical woman. You're welcome."
"Someone covered up the actual actual-size image," he says. "They're little. Like this." He put his fingers as close together as they get without touching.
I must've deleted my picture of the sign, so I went on AllTrails to see if someone had posted one. Someone had not, but I found photos showing all kinds of wildlife. For instance, this one shows that there are rabbits.
We set off on the trail.
This trail is beautiful. The first part is in the bottom of a canyon, and it's all shady with plant tunnels. Lots of great spots to pee if I weren't afraid my clothing or bare ass was going to brush against a tick plant.
I was practically walking sideways to avoid brushing against anything.
We rose up out of the shade and could see the ocean on two sides and downtown L.A. on another. Pretty great.
The high temperature that day was 75, which I think of as cool, but the sun was right above us and once we rose out of the trees there was no shade at all. I had to pee, and I was hot and thirsty. Even with the selfie-hair-unfriendly breeze, the heat was brutal. We climbed on.
I don't like to carry stuff, so I had nothing except my phone, which was tucked into my bra.
Then I got hungry. Breakfast was many hours ago. I wasn't going to make it. Some parts of the trail were steep, and we were partway up a big incline when I had to turn around.
As we descended the trail I was making a list. "You know what we ought to do? We ought to bring water, and snacks. And we should find a place to pee right before we arrive. And we should check the weather so we know not to just put on long sleeves every time."
"We'll come back to this one," Doug said. "You'll get to the overlook."
After finding a quick place to pee we had lunch at Palisades Garden Cafe, which had fresh brewed iced tea that made me a happy lady, then we walked around exploring the town, finding shops and live music on little brick paved, pedestrian only roads with nooks and surprises.
On the way home we finished reading The Terrorist's Son, a memoir given to us by a friend with his recommendation. I attach my own recommendation. This is a short read by the son of the man who plotted and executed the first attack on the World Trade Center, among other terrorist plots.
Watch for us to return and conquer this one with my newfound wisdom.
Next time: Bluffs Beach Trail in San Onofre
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